No matter how much effort and good intention someone brings to a connection, the outcome is often out of our hands. No one teaches you what to do when a good man hurts you, and you know you hurt him too.⁽⁴⁾ This is not to pretend people are without shadows. We do make mistakes that hurt each other. Real humans are imperfect.

Still, I believe the root cause is the experience designed for modern dating. The flows and habits shape how users show up for each other. The dating app system embodies our culture, and its UX makes people get hurt and cause harm. A naive villain, but a villain nonetheless. [note a]